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Purely belter - Chris Beattie, Greg McLane, Charlie Hardwick, Mark Herman

Threat advisory: High - High risk of entertaining activities

Movie propaganda

They're a couple of zeros short of a grand.

Things aren't looking up for Gerry McCarten (Chris Beattie) and Sewell (Greg McLane), broke Newcastle United fans who dream of buying season tickets. As their outlandish money-making schemes - from shoplifting to a spot of housebreaking - get them nowhere, and real life cruelly intervenes, the lads get so desperate that they steal Alan Shearer's (Alan Shearer) car. But as with most football fans, hope is definitely around the corner for the boys.

Persons of interest

Chris Beattie .... Gerry McCarten
Greg McLane .... Sewell
Charlie Hardwick .... Mrs McCarten
Roy Hudd .... Mr Sewell
Tim Healy .... Mr McCarten
Kevin Whately .... Mr Caird
Jody Baldwin .... Gemma
Kerry Ann Christiansen .... Bridget
Tracy Whitwell .... Clare
Su Elliot .... Mrs Brabbin
Daniel James Lake .... Matthew Brabbin
Tracey Wilkinson .... Mrs Caird
Libby Davison .... Miss Warren
Val McLane .... Maureen
Willie Ross .... Ginga
Adam Fogerty .... Zak
Mark Herman .... Screenwriter
Mark Herman .... Director

Cinematic intelligence sources

Awards and film festivals:

Cinematic Intelligence Agency Trenchcoat Awards 2002

Magna Pacific

Intelligence analyst

Special Agent Matti

Theatrical report

Hee, hee, hee.

Purely belter is positioned between Billy Elliot and A room for Romeo Brass, combining the best of both worlds into another working class English comedy that'll keep you laughing all the way through. Except for the dark and horrible and nasty bits. And the really sad bits. But it wouldn't be a comedy without them, would it?

Gerry is a natural toe rag while Sewell is two notches short of a belt. They go together like Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, Bonnie and Clyde. Two likely lads who are as unlikely to get ahead as they are to finish high school. Chris and Greg play them to a T, a couple of Scousers with too much time on their hands and not enough cash.

If you're a watcher of The Bill - and if not, why not? - you'll recognise Libby as the teacher who manages to communicate with Gerry in a way that few people can. She draws the sweetest, loveliest story out of him, which he undercuts with an hilarious aside and which turns out not even to be his own story: he's stolen it from Sewell because it's the childhood he would like to have had. The first moment is poignant, the second is heartbreaking.

The lads' lives are as complicated as only life can be; some dramas are flagged, others come out of the blue but the comedy is all in the moment, just like real life. Purely belter is the kind of film you'll want to watch more than once so make sure you get a copy for your shelf.