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Anaconda

Threat advisory: Guarded - General risk of entertaining activities

Movie propaganda

When you can't breathe you can't scream.

An Anaconda has heat sensors. A warm body is not hard to find. It strikes, wraps around you, holds you tighter than your true love and you get the privilege of hearing your bones break before the power of their embrace causes your veins to explode. Then it swallows you whole. - Paul Sarone, Anaconda

A documentary film crew enters the mysterious world of the Amazon, armed with cameras, sound equipment and the optimism of the uninitiated, in search of the legendary and undocumented Shirishama Indians. Along the way they encounter Paul Sarone (Jon Voight) stranded on a deserted boat. A charismatic loner who has lived by his wits in the jungle for years, he engenders their friendship, if not their complete trust. nevertheless, his professed knowledge of the elusive Shirishama tribe entices them. They follow him down the river, despite their misgivings...

Target demographic movie keyword propaganda

Film adventure monster giant snake Amazon thriller die

Persons of interest

Jennifer Lopez .... Terri Flores
Ice Cube .... Danny Rich
Jon Voight .... Paul Sarone
Eric Stoltz .... Dr Steven Cale
Jonathan Hyde .... Warren Westridge
Owen Wilson .... Gary Dixon
Kari Wuhrer .... Denise Kalberg
Vincent Castellanos .... Mateo
Danny Trejo .... Poacher
Frank Welker .... Voice of Anaconda
Hans Bauer .... Screenwriter
Jim Cash .... Screenwriter
Jack Epps Jr .... Screenwriter
Luis Llosa .... Director

Intelligence analyst

Special Agent Matti

Theatrical report

Ooops, I was slightly over-medicated when I saw this and I wasn't enjoying himself much at all. But then again, neither was anyone else. Audience reactions ranged from walking out halfway through to "Seen better" to "It was ok" to a couple of embarrassed claps at the end (although they might have been for something that happened off screen). The best part, which you won't be able to experience, was fondling the live snakes that were brought in just for the preview.

So, why am I not heaping lavish praise on this film? Easy. It's not worth lavish praise. It's one more rag-tag group of even dumber then usual Americans battle giant creature in isolated and unforgiving yet strikingly scenic wilderness area flick that you've already seen as a giant shark (Jaws), a giant bear (Grizzly), a giant whale (Orca), a giant dinosaur or two (Jurassic Park), a giant group of fish (Piranha), or bees (The swarm), or aliens (Alien 1, 2, 3, 4), or even giant rocks (Meteor, Asteroid). I am sure there are more and just can't wait for the one with giant McHappy meals threatening civilisation.

The animatronic snakes are acceptably real (apart from the screeches and screams which I thought snakes couldn't make, being voiceless as they are) but the computer generated one isn't (it looks like it was generated on a computer, even moreso than the Jurassic Park dinosaurs). No-one was particularly surprised by anything which went on (even my mate Luke, who is not entirely comfortable around snakes after growing up with lots of them in his home town down in Victoria). Fortunately there were a few gross bits that kept most of the audience there to the end (I won't spoil the surprise if you happen to go and see it).

Black marks to the makers for baddies (and snakes) who can't be killed and manage to re-appear several miles upstream after falling off the boat after being stabbed with a tranquilliser dart downstream.

My advice is to wait till next winter so you can watch it on video when you've already seen everything else in the video shop.